Saturday, February 4th, 2006
Shedding bad thoughts away.. (reposted)
I need someone with a brain right now. Oh, funny how people ask for different things.. Things that’ll surprise them. Things that aren’t conventional. But once they get what they want, they hate it. Hypocrites. I repeat, I need someone with a brain. In fact, I think I can even settle for someone with a higher "intellect" than me. Okay, I know I’m being full of my self again. Bear with me. But it would be entertaining, yet quite intimidating that I would be left stuttering and insecure. *sigh* Whatever. These thoughts just came crashing.
I’m wondering how some people could be so … So.. err, I don’t know what’s the appropriate term. But the thought is, plastic?! I mean, when you’re with them they let you feel like everything’s fine but you know it’s not. You can sense it because the gap is there. And you’re left thinking what have you done or what went wrong. You slam the thought away so as not to destroy the friendship you built and kept building for the past years. I know it sounds ridiculous but you just can’t help it. You fear that if you let them know about it, it might end up the wrong way. (You definitely wouldn’t want that to happen, db?) You’re left waiting until they finally tell it to you.. So to your last resort, you step back, hold your tongue and mingle with them instead.
BAD THING IS, I’m getting used to it.
SO what’s the point? The point is, why not confront the person instead, face to face. I guess, it wouldn’t hurt that much. Okay lang sana kung hindi napapansin pero it’s obvious naman. Nakakailang kasi yung ganun.. You see and spend time with each other almost everyday but ironically, you feel you’re being stabbed at the back. But
you don’t want to ruin the bond you established so you simply drop the whole idea.. You see the picture? That hurts, ayt?
MONTHS after… and having heard it straight from Ainee and Tessa, here’s what I have to say:
“I never thought I could be that exasperating. Believe me, I had no cruel intentions, whatsoever. Perhaps, I’m just being misunderstood. Had I hurt your feelings, had I done something that unintentionally messed up your days, take heed and hear my plea. I’m sorry, I really am. It broke my heart to finally really understand and see right before my very eyes clear views of what I tried so hard to refuse to believe into… What hurts the most are the happy days, or so I thought, that somehow gave me the slightest idea that you guys, my friends, supposedly the ones who could understand me, are the very ones hitting me to the core. I admit most of the times, I would turn out to be so cheesy, cracking jokes, sharing my stories, singing away boredom .. Surely, those are done out to break free from ennui. Was I that bad? I guess so.. Again, my apologies..”
I love you still, chums! J
