KisHy -)i(-

           People say she’s smart but she’s not. Most of the times, she’s left at her wit’s end. Some tell her she’s a beauty but she knows they’re only kidding her out. Others tell her she’s got the life most people wish for but these people don’t know how she’s been hurting and dying.. Alone, she is. Still, others see her happy but that’s what they thought. Yes, she smiles and pretends everything’s okay but behind that happy mask she wears, her heart is screaming, starving, aching… longing for truth, silence and warmth… Love, that’s what she craves about. Until Love came. She didn’t notice it at first not until she felt it… she refused to believe it but she can’t deny the bliss it brought her. She tried but failed… she began to give in, let it in… It was magic! But as it flitted, love hurt her. Oh, how it stings! It throttled her, left her gasping. Again, she’s alone. Love, oh love! What have you done? How could you be this selfish? Now she’s empty… She’s striving to win the greatest battle she could ever face. Alas, she needs a great warrior for this battle to win… to fight for her… Someday, somehow that warrior would come and finally take her. He’ll chase away all the pain and give her what she deserves… Now, who in this world could that be?

*09/09/05* 7:28am… CORNY!

1.Call me _____ .
> kishy! @_@ kishy-kishy-ya-ya-dah-dah! kishy-kishy-ya-ya-heh! (moulin rounge! ;p)

2. What color of shirt are you wearing right now?

> white..mah fave!

3. What Are You Watching Right Now?
> nothin’.. Nag-eedit lang po nito! ;p

4. What Was The Last food You Ate?

> Squid.. pero konti lang kasi allergic ako nun.

5. Do You Believe In Karma?
> Who doesn’t?

6. If You Were A Crayon, what color would you
be?
> white or orange

.. either of the two! They’re my faves!

7. How Is The Weather Right Now?

> freezin’ cold. *shiver*

8. Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?

> my pup.. checkin’ me out! @_@

9. Do You Like The Person Who Sent You This?

> ‘corz! Close friend eh! Actually, I got this from the Bulletin..

10. How Are You Today?

> uhmm.. *thinks* cool.. no, shyprexical?!

11. Favorite Drink(s)?

> ‘pag sa labas, iced tea.. ‘ung bottomless! (hehe! Kiddin’..) sa bahay tubig at coffee! I’m a self-confessed coff’holic!

12. Favorite Alcoholic Drink?

> Dunno.. I don’t drink e!

13. Favorite Sport?

> Basketball and badminton!

14.Favorite Hair Color?

> black.. love your own!

15. Favorite Eye Color?

> nothin’ but I’d really love to stare at brown ones..

16. Favorite Band?

> ..ay andami! Lifehouse tops my list!

17. # of x gf/bf?

> nyaeks!

18. Favorite Months?

> every month except MARCH! It reminds me of somethin’ really.. never mind!

19. Favorite Foods?

> pastas, ice cream, and Mamang’s Ginataang Kalabasa! *yum* =D

20. Last Movie You Watched?

> Mr. Bean..

21. Favorite Days of the Year?

> days?! Ma’ hatch day, monthsary sa berks, Heart’s day, uhmm.. andami!

22. question # 22 seems to be missing

> duh?!

23. What Was Your Favorite Toy As A Child?
> ahihihi.. Water guns.. I’m a bit boyish that’s why. ;p

24. Summer or Winter?

> Summer syemps! Magpapa-tan ako ulit!

25. Hugs Or Kisses?
> hugs.. I need human warmth.. *bleeh!*

26. Chocolate Or Vanilla?

> You sure you’re askin’ me?! CHOCOLATES!!!

27. What do you think about loving someone who doesn’t love you?

> It’s not destined to happen so why keep pushin’, ayt?!

28. What are the things that make you feel uncomfortable?

> ask yourself! You know what! (antaray!)

29. Do You Think You’re Normal?
> Sometimes.. my pagka-weird minsan eh! Often misunderstood.. *frowns*

30. Friends You Have Had The Longest?

> my buddy.. Mark!

31. What Did You Do Last Night?

> Grrr! Lapit ko nang maihagis cp ko dahil sa isang stalker “kuno”! Heck, ayaw akong tigilan eh!

32. Favorite perfume?
> Endless Love by Victoria’s Secret

33. Who Inspires You?

> Dati si kuwan.. si.. err.. ;p -Family po!

34. What Are You Afraid Of?

> not being able to make it.. as in!

35. Plain, Buttered Or Salted Popcorn?

> pwede lahat? Hahaha! -buttered..

36. Missing someone?

> uhmm.. errr.. no comment!

1.Ano ang iniisip mo ngayon?
> andami.. ang gulo!

2. Kung meron kang P50, san mo gagastusin?
> ‘la.. I’ll keep it saka ko na pag-iisipan!

3. Saan ka madalas tumambay?
> my room.. I’m a homebody now!

4. Ilan friends mo sa friendster?
> ahihi.. dami! My 1^st account’s already full & to date, d’ 2^nd one totaled 280.. and counting!

5. Cno ang huli mong nkausap sa fone?
> sa cp ko or sa landline?! too private!

6. Masaya ka ba? Bakit?
> Syemps! Duh?! Kahit hindi naman eh, you’ll get an affirmative answer from me!

7. Ano ang paborito mong numero?
> 1!

8.May kinaiinisan ka ba ngyon?
> “mga” actually.. ‘Ung mysterious caller ko last night & that guy on friendster who uses my pic! Grrr! Superman daw! Duh?!

9. Bkit ka naiinis s knya?
> Sino’ng hindi?! E gamitin kaya niya pic mo, you think that’s funny? Baka ano pa sabihin ng mga tao noh! (Oist, last warning na ha!)

10. May mahal ka ba ngyon?
> Mahal ko lahat ng malalapit sa akin..

11. Katxt mo ba crush mo?
> hahaha! Secweeet!

12. Kuntento ka na ba sa kalagayan mo ngaun?
> Not really.. There’s more out of life pa!

13. Kung may mgpapakita syong genie, anong wish mo?
> world peace! *winks and waves* I mean that!

14. Ano ang favorite expression mo?
> nyaeks/ngeeks!

15. Kailan ka huling nagsinungaling?
> errr..

16. Snob ka ba?
> Nop.. approachable pa nga e!

17. Happy-go-lucky ka ba?
> Count me in!

18. Anong balak mo sa bkasyon?
> My mom said punta raw kami sa Ingud! Hehehe..

19. Anong mkikita sa wallet mo?
> my mum&dud’s pix, cards, calendar, money..

20. Bakit mo ‘toh cnasagutan?
> lingaw man beh!

21. Badtrip ka?
> ngaun? Nop..

*09/03/05* 9:38am..

1.kelan ang bday mo? Ung totoo?
> July 8, 1985.. I just turned 20 this year! That’s 2 years beyond the legal age! Hehe..

2. may fave song ka ba ngayon?

>yep.. madami! I’m into “HALE” these days.. [Essan, magconcert sila diri sa Sunday! Bleeh!]

3. barat ka ba?

> hahaha! Opo!

4. close ba kayo ng mga pinsan mo?

> yes, to those I know.. One thing’s for sure, lahat nakilala kong pinsan, open ako! Este, close pala! Ay, ano nga ba? Open o close? *devilish grin*

5. ilang beses ka maligo sa isang araw?

> it depends.. ‘pag feel ko maligo thrice, y not?

6. anong perfume/cologne/body mist ang ginagamit mo?

> ‘la eh! Karam man daw! But I’m into Endless Love!

7. sino-sino mga kasama mo sa bahay nyo?

> my family.. andami talaga! pati lola ko, aunts, uncles, mga pamangkins, maids at mga bisita!

8. which do you prefer? Long or pudpod na nails?

> neither! I like my nails short w/o anything on it!

9. mahilig ka bang maglinis ng tenga pagtapos maligo?

> nop! Trapo lang! hahaha! It’s bad raw to clean it daily!

11. mahilig ka bang mag internet?

> uhuh..

12. anong favorite mong site?

> friendster, yahoo, launchcast, jokes.com, tsaka icspf.com..

13. kung tatanungin ka kung anong silbi mo dito sa mundo, anong isasagot mo?

> *coughs* I’m here to promote world peace.. nek nek! Nah.. I think I’m here to find my self..

14. anong favorite mong kulay?

> white nga at orange!

15. anong kulay ang suot mo ngayon?

> plain white!

16. anong kulay ng bed sheet mo?

> wait.. ay,andami! blue, white, red, green, pink, violet, orange.. floral kasi eh!

17. kung merong kang 1 hundred thousand dollars ngayong oras na to anong gagawin mo?

> I’ll buy my lola a house.. a small one, as promised! @_@

18. kung may isa kang wish na gustong matupad as in ngayon na, ano yuN?

> How I wish I could turn back time..

19. anong gusto mong gawin sa mga oras na to?

> dance! It’s been ages since I shake my booooty! Hihi..

20. sinong pinaka huling tao ang naiisip mo bago ka matulog?

> errr..

21. anong iniisip mo pag gising mo sa umaga?

> heck! (‘yoko na!!!)

22. sino sa mga friends mo yung alam mong pwede mong pagkatiwalaan?

> Dad, Mamang, kuya, Leigh, Mark, berks (in no particular order)

23. sino naman sa kanila yung pinaka gusto mong kasama?

> sa ngaun, my best! Missed him..

24. sino naman sa kanila yung madalas mong makasama?

> berks..

25. cnong bestest best friendS mo?

> uhm.. If we weigh it all up, my pup pa rin!

26. may best friend ka ba sa opposite sex?

> Oo naman.. my buddy, Mr. Mark Alison Lee!

27. kung may pagkakataon, posible bang?

> What?! Oh I just hate it when you guys leave me hangin’!!!

28. sino huli mong naka-text?

> Si Rossel.. naka-sun po!

29. sino huli mong nakausap sa phone?

> siya din.. ang khuleettt!

30. na-inlove ka na ba?

> Uhuh..

31. in love ba sya sayo?

> Hirap mag-assume eh!

33. sino ang trip mong kasama sa mahabang biyahe at bakasyon?

> mr. right guy!

34. sino huling ngtext sayo?

>Si Ross nga eh!

35. sino huling tumawag sayo?

> hay naku!

36. sino huling nagmisscall sayo?

> Dati kong crush.. [Au] hehehe!

37. sino crush mo ngayon?

> andami! Si Slurp.. uhmm.. si Doug.. si Sir Ryan! Crush lang naman eh! ‘Ge na lang gud!

38. ano talent mo?

> talent ba ‘ung kumain? Hihi.. Try to find out for my self! *giggles*

*09/02/05* 10:03am..

1.Are you in a serious relationship right now?

> lahat naman ng relationship dapat sineseryoso db? –now? nop, that brings shivers to my spine! Aaargghhh!

2. What is on your mouse pad?

> syemps, the mouse.. next to it, reminder notes!

3.What’s your favorite fruit?

> RAMBUTAN! Jowkz! Ahihihi.. mangoes and pineapples po..

4.Do you wish to be a pilot someday?

> once.. but I figured out I’m height-phobic!

5. What is the color of your pants right now?

> hah?! Naka-malong ako eh! Di, jowkz! Ahihihi.. khaki shorts.. (nasa room lang kaya pwede..ganda ‘ata gising ko noh!)

6. Do you have a lot of admirers?

> *devilish laugh* told you, mahirap mag-assume! Tingin mo, ano?

7. Do you think about your love problems?

> nop, thinkin’ of it only calls for another problem!

8. Is your computer in your bedroom?

> yep, it’s my ultimate companion now!

9. Is your hair long or short?
> lort/shong?! Hehehe.. kinda.. I’m thinking of cutting my hair short, what do you think?

10. Do you like going to the supermarket with your parents?

> I’m proud I’m Mom’s fave companion when it comes to going to the supermarket! I love cooking kasi eh!

11. How much is your allowance for one month!?

> Secweettt! Y ask?!

12. How long does it take for you to fix your hair?

> sad to say, I’m no kikay.. a couple of seconds will do.. sometimes, pinapabayaan lang! hehehe.. talking about damakers! *bleeh!*

13. Where did you go last night?
> bahay lang..

14. What you had for breakfast this morning?
> ‘la pa but I’m sipping my cup of creamed coffee now..

15. What did you have for dinner last night?

> nothin’.. was dead-tired to eat!

16. Do you sleep alone?
> most of the times, yes.. minsan with mum and dud.. minsan din w/ lola..

17. Who is beside you now?

> Doug Kramer! (you wish!) Ahihihik! -no one..

18. What is the last thing you touched before you went on the computer?

> my cp.. someone just gave me a ring!

19. Who’s the hottest girl/guy you know?
> girl? Avril!!! I love her sun-kissed skin now.. so sexy! Suya ko! Ahihihi.. –guy?! This guy nakasabay ko from school kahapon.. He’s carrying with him his guitar.. Must be from COE.. He’s not opao nor matangkad but heck, I find him interesting! Great smile at “kurukom”.. hahaha! Man, he’s got it!

20. The best feature of the girl/boy you like?

> sa girls, the brain.. sa guys, the man he carries with him.. x-factor!

21. The sweetest thing someone could say?
> “because of you, my life has changed..” (dated:Jan. 16, 2004

11:16pm) )i(

22. Something you want to tell him/her?

> Thank you.. my life has changed, too..

23. Why do you like him/her?

> I just do.. magic, that is!

24. Inner/outer beauty?

> inner!

25. Ever had a dream come true?

> almost..

26. Do you like the smell of durians?

> aahhh! Totally hate ‘em! Gross!

27. You ever wished you were royalty?

> I am naman eh! ahikhikhik! Takaw QUEEN!

28. What’s the worst thing you’ve done all week?

> not being able to at least read any book.. though I have all the time to do it! Intrams pa naman..

29. Are your parents asleep now?

> can’t tell.. Out of town eh..

30. How much do you love your gf/bf…?

> I’m unattached.. @_@

1.NAME ATLEAST 3 HIGHLIGHTS OF YOUR DAY:
> my bathe (yep, I love pampering mah self! ;p), belly-laughs w/ friends.. bwahahaha! And a good thinking, I guess?!

2.WHAT MAKES YOUR DAY COMPLETE?
> a hug.. @_@ (kahit kanino galing basta ma-hug lang ako!) I need that now!

3.WHAT CAN SPOIL YOUR DAY?
> think of _____ . errr..

4.IF YOU CAN LEAVE THE COUNTRY FOR THE DAY, WHERE WOULD YOU GO AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
> That’s hard ah! *thinks* hmmm…

Europe

,

Mecca

,

Hawaii

.. and then really get-away! Aaahhhh!

5.WHAT’S THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU RECENTLY?
> being able to accept reality.. I would have done somethin’.. I mean, it’s hard to decide on sumthin’ eh especially if it involves someone really special. Dun’ siya masaya eh.. I’m happy na din.. )i(

6.DO YOU REGRET LIVING THE LIFE YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW?
> I couldn’t think of any except this.. why would i?! and besides, I have all the reasons to be grateful!

7.DEFINE YOUR CAPACITY FOR LOVE:
> GOD! I’ll do what I can and have to.. ebut! Ptaman aki!

8.IF YOU CAN TAKE THE TIME OFF FROM WHATEVER YOU’RE DOIN AND BE SOMEWHERE ELSE, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
> hmmm..

Manila

, I wanna see somebody.. for old time’s sake!

9.ARE YOU CHATTING RIGHT NOW?
> nope.

10. WITH WHO?
> ‘la nga eh!

11.WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY?
> everyone.. as long as they’re happy, I’m happy na din!

12.WHAT CAN BREAK YOUR HEART?
> being lied and cheated! ..been there! T_T

13.WHO MAKES YOU SMILE?
> I’m a smiley-jock, they say! I always carry ‘em.. *winks* I’m infectious raw!

14.WHO ARE YOU THINKING OF RIGHT NOW?
> ahihihi.. have no right na po! *bleeh!*

15.WHY?
> can’t help it eh.. I just don’t understand why..grrr!

16.WHAT’S YOUR SONG FOR HIM/HER?
> “Especially For You” by MYMP *bites lips*

noon

po!

17.WHAT’S YOUR CURRENT RINGTONE?
> “My Happy Ending “ by Avril Lavigne.. love it!

18.SONG THAT’S PLAYING IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW?

>”Have You Ever?” by Brandy.. ka-relate ko! Tsaka, ‘yan tinutugtog dito MP3 eh.. hihihi..

19.HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?
> missin’ someone.. :’(

20.WHAT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER/BAD AT THE MOMENT?
> talk w/ that someone and bid each other goodbye’s for the last time.. that’ll make it better! -bad?! Leave somethin’ unfixed.. )i(

*090105* 9:

09am

     8:30 AM… I have a long day ahead. This spells R-E-S-T for me. Hahaha! I’ll do my usual duo—sleep and munch, sleep and munch, sleep again..and then munch some more! *bluuurrrggh!* Oops, sori! Hahaha! Some of you might not know it but I kinda have a distinctive apetite.. Siguro nga sa school ‘di masado kasi ‘la nang time to fill my always-hungry bottomless stomach! Uhuh.. hear that?! Gutom na ako ulit! *devilish grin* Pero pagdating sa bahay.. nya-ha-hay! I eat like a QUEEN! (My sis Leigh and Kuya Schwartz can testify! They’re sick of me na!) Sobrang takaw ko talaga! Now I remember Tin-tin.. Everytime we go out kasi I try very hard (but always failed) to compete with her considering pasta lang sa akin against her BIG mac! I catch up naman paminsan-minsan but she’s just way too fast! Grrrrr! Guess I have to keep pushing! Aaaah, Tin! I take off my hat to you! *bows* You really amuse me! Sino ba’ng hindi?! I mean, she eats fast but when you look at her she seems to be enjoying it…savoring every bite! Inclined ‘au xa bah nga malingaw jud ka’g lantaw! Hahay..berks..berks..berks! Darn it, I miss you na guys..TERRIBLY!!! *frowns* Mga buslot ug bituka, diin naman mo??? We have so much more to catch up! 6 more days and we’ll be celebrating our anniversary again! Oh that reminds me, s’an na naman nga ba escapades natin? Please don’t suggest Tinago! (sori BEsh..) I know it sounds fun and exciting! Kaya lang problema nanaman mag-organize! Tsaka.. errr.. ‘Di na nanaman ako papayagan ni ano.. ni.. uhmm.. secweeet!!! (If you’re reading this [YOU KOW WHO YOU ARE!], peace na ta ha? Hehehe..) But I’ll try my luck next time.. So keep your fingers crossed for me! Mwah! (‘la pa koy panutblas! Bwahahaha!) Ligo muna si Lola ha? Gtg.. @_@

Nga pala, if you’re wondering ‘bout the title.. It’s nothing! Ahihihi.. Hirap kasing i-define sarili ko ngaun eh.. SHYPREXICAL, that is.. -)i(-

Uhmmm… errr..okay, okay..

Okay, I miss you…

I just have to admit that I am having a hard time doing things because I need your assistance.

I am having a hard time moving around, because I know that no man is an island. I miss everything that we shared. And heck, I know I cannot forget them. So even if I’m totally pissed off with you, I just cant find the reason not to forgive you.

I have forgiven you, actually. Maybe, I’m still hurt. I AM JUST HURT. *sniff sniff* Maybe that’s why I cannot forget it. But I am willing to give up my pride.. Yes, swallow it up for you. But not everything yet. Not just now. Maybe gradually, But for now, I think you still owe me an apology.

 

I know you are hurt, and I am too. Who else could be hurt as much as I do? I just hope you know how I feel. I am disturbed.

I hate what I’m doing now, but..errr…

*sighs*

uhmmm… Okay..

I’m sorry. I know I have my part why these things happened.. But.. Forgive na tika! I hope we can make up as soon as we can. (Lapit pa naman ang Ramadhan!)

 

                                   I LOVE YOU STILL..

Aaahh!! I arrived home carrying my gloomiest face! Sino ba naman ang hindi?! *sniff, sniff* I had anticipated this pa naman.. I guess it was all my fault.. tanga-tanga ko kasi eh! Ggrrg!! Yeah, right..my fault! Excited pa naman akong manood ng cheerdance kaso sold-out na raw ang ticket! Ggrrrr!!! Hay naku… pissed off ulit ako! Buhay ba naman oh! Buti na lang anjan si Mr. Bean! *smile* Gotta go! Nood muna ako, pips! *wink!*

You’re really gone.
The dryers on, im in,
And im alone for the first time.
You love to suck good friend,
Where’s the pair broken?
Are you aware that im missing you?

But I can’t run to you no more
to catch me when im fallin..
I know I have to let you go
But I will not be broken.
No, I will not be broken
But keep the slow fading memories..

This place is strange, empty!
You did your time, turned twenty
And walls are bare where your pictures hung.
But I can’t call you on no more.
And no we can’t just be friends
but now its time to let you go..
But I will not be broken.
No, I will not be broken

And keep the slowly fading
memories..memories..
I keeping these memories!
I can’t run to you no more
to catch me when im fallin..
I know I have to let you go
But I will not be broken
For every tear a lesson learned
Every goodtime golden
But now it’s time to let you go
And I will not be broken.
And I will not be broken.
No, I will not be broken!
And keep the slowly fading memories…

*08/11/05*